This

Whatever euphoria I was feeling earlier in the day began to wane by the first hint of dusk. Now, at nightfall, it has all but disappeared.

I begin to oscillate between light and shadow once again. Soon, the last thread of happiness holding me aloft snaps, and I free-fall. Tumbling into that chasm where I become someone else, I try to stop the flood of thoughts, but it is futile. Wave after wave they come, pounding the breakwater that is my heart, the spray of mist they sneeringly hurl at me blinding my eyes. I look up in search of the sky, the only thing that has the power to smother the anger in me that I have little power over.

Please let me see the sky.

I see nothing.

* * * * * *

I don’t know why I am remembering this, why now.

The demons stir.

I don’t think it is up to me to decide whether I want to or not.

* * * * * *

This is our dream.

These are the ruins across which our dream is scattered, each of its thousand pieces a feeble shimmer of the joy that has long ago evicted us from its house.

This is where we are.

These are our footprints, seared into this scorched earth that is made up of all the hate and pain I have ever inflicted on others, layers and layers of frozen screams and dried tears as hard as the hidden side of my heart that I do not want to recognize. The putrid stench that oozes from them hangs in the air, heavy like the coat of sweat that stubbornly cakes my skin, a film of decay I have tried again and again but could never scratch away.

This is you and I.

This is all that remains of our union; A crimson trail, snaking lazily, innocuously, tragically away from the place where you and I unite in unbridled pleasure and passion.

This is all we will ever know.

* * * * * *

No.

That was you and I.

And how could we have possibly known?