What was meant as an innocuous remark I made on my part mutated into a war of words, into a stream of allegations and assumptions Amy sent my way in an email. I could not even begin to imagine why she suggested what she did.
I could not comprehend the violence of her written words. And I certainly did not think that the magnitude of her reaction was warranted. I looked back at the years we have spent together, and I wondered if there were no lessons we learnt. That the understanding I thought she had of me was good as naught.
We spoke on the phone. It did not help one bit. I felt like hitting something. I wanted to storm her doorstep, and bring the shouting match to her.
I brought her flowers instead.
We stood outside the entrance to her office, and said little. I handed the bunch of pink Oriental lillies over. When she gave me a light kiss goodbye, I felt nothing.
As I walked away, I thumbed the following and sent it to her: The flowers are my way of saying that, as much as you may think otherwise, you are the only one in my heart. Don’t ever forget that.
Her reply: And tears are welling up in my eyes, as I love you very much too. Sorry.
Maybe it is time to let go give up.
I am probably wrong, but it seems to me that your relationship is so built on lust. If you love the person as you profess to, can you not want her to be your companion for life the way she is right now? I suggest to you that you are yearning to love and be loved, but not to or by Amy.
Trust me, there is more than just lust. I’ve probably run the gamut like I have never in this relationship.